IAHGames

In Singapore, beauty queen Ris Low stirred up quite a controversy over the last few months after winning the Miss Singapore crown. It began with a sad and hilarious video showcasing her pronunciation prowess, and ended with her relinquishing the title in the wake of a highly-publicized credit card scandal, wasting $12,000 on promotions, having to retake her school exam, and getting court-ordered shopping restrictions.

Now that Ris has a lot more free time on her hands, we figure she’ll do what all of us dream of doing – play her favorite games. Here are the top five games we think she’ll enjoy.


5. Super Mario Brothers

The game:
A portly, mustached Italian plumber collects gold coins and stomps all opposition en route to rescuing a princess captured by a power hungry dragon-turtle thing (if you needed this explanation please go back to the time from which you came. Time travel never did anything good for anyone. Watch a movie).

Benefits to psyche:

Ris can grab an obvious boost from watching a gold-hoarding ang moh (white man) brave monsters, spin fireballs, dodge bullets, and drown through seven levels of teasing before reaching his girl. We assume that the Princess (as Ris would no doubt fashion herself) would get to keep all of Mario’s acquired riches once his quest is complete. That and she would have a chance to throw the ultimate tease to her savior just before sending him on the entire journey again – at a higher difficulty level.

An omen for Mario’s place in the relationshIp

The Ris Low meter: 2.5 Returned Tiaras

Mario’s mustache takes him way down the ang moh attractiveness scale, and Ris may not even fancy Italians. The lack of pretty clothes in the game hurts the rating as well.

4. City of Heroes/ Villains

The game:
Players from around the globe log in to an exciting online world of brightly-colored comic book action and one of the most detailed character creation features to date.

Benefits to psyche:
Having any super power imaginable is a dream-come-true, and Ris would likely get kicks out of the extensively detailed character creator, which allows her to design her own costume, facial features, and physical endowments.

All the choices without the embarrassing criminal debt

The Ris Low meter: 3 returned Tiaras

While the options are plentiful, we’re guessing Ris doesn’t fancy herself running around in brightly colored spandex with an atomic symbol on her chest. That’s awesome, but it doesn’t win pageants.

3. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas

The game:
A misunderstood gangster finds riches and opportunity in a fictional three-city megalopolis by taking what he wants, when he wants.

Benefits to psyche:
We’re sure the ability to joyride a million-dollar car (a GTA staple) would catch Ris’ fancy, but this one would be particularly fun for her based on the customization she could give Mr Carl Johnson. Skinny, Fat, Muscular, Tattooed, Gangster, Suave… she gets to build the ultimate boyfriend. Or she can pick up one of the endless PC mods and make the main character female.

You thought I was kidding?

The Ris Low meter: 3.5 returned Tiaras

No rescue motive and another male main character keep this one from getting any higher.

2. Granado Espada

The game:
Adventurers with various powers battle endless hordes of monsters in various degrees of lacy undress.

Benefits to psyche:
Lacy costumes – most of them free. While there’s not much room for customization, the game’s easy on-and-off dress-up features would be perfect for Ris’ straightforward thinking processes, while energizing her love of lace.

Who wouldn’t want to dress like this?

The Ris Low meter: 4 returned Tiaras

It’s lacy, extravagant, free, and you can earn money by shooting hopping alligators. What’s not to like?

1. The Sims 3


Ris' ideal dinner date

The game:
You, the creator, create and shape the life of an unwitting simulated being. As the creator you have sovereignty over appearance, clothing and even personality traits. Making friends and earning money is as easy as clicking.

Benefits to psyche:
The dress-up factor, building your own house, and creating the most physically perfect future. Having customizable personality sets this gem of a game over the top. What traits would Miss Low pick, hmm? (Beautiful? Check. Eloquent? Check. Criminally insane? No, let’s leave that one out this time.)

The Ris Low meter: 5 returned Tiaras

The best part? Even if Miss Low manages to disgrace herself in the game, she can just start over from a saved game. Oh, if only life were a game…

This just in: The Queen of Boomz is fighting back! As you can see on her blog, she’s just graced several pages of Singapore FHM. We salute her!